When I get a little down...

I was diagnosed with severe depression with anxiety on October 24, 2010. Although I was happy to get some answers to what was going on with me, the heavy fog that had engulfed my life had me feeling useless and inferior. I hide in my bed and even thought about killing myself. This seemed like the best thing ever for me because my girls would not have to see me slowly dying from the inside outward. I attempted to continue to work but found that I was not getting better and it was affecting my work. The week of Thanksgiving was the worst because it was then that I sat with a handful of antidepressants and sleeping pill and was ready to die. Luckily God gave me three beautiful girls and a strong support system. I didn't harm myself that night. I instead text a friend that told me how special and important I am to the world. The next day, I went to my therapist and told her of all my problems and I was admitted to St. Dominic. I stayed there for 8 days and left angry and unprepared to returned to the "real" world. I again told my counselor about my fears, and she suggested an out patient treatment program. This program has taught me how to deal with my depression and some coping skills that I can use upon my return to the real world. I have completed the first phase of this program with a lot of tears. I faced my past, reveal my wounds and began a healthy healing process. Then this past weekend, I had a SLIP (small lapse in progress) which cause me to need to return to St. Dominic for a couple of days. What have I learned? Recovery or healing is a spiraling process not an uphill process. I will have good and bad days. I must use the skills learned when things get a little uneasy and when things are very stressful. I can fall but I must get back up.