When I get a little down...

I was diagnosed with severe depression with anxiety on October 24, 2010. Although I was happy to get some answers to what was going on with me, the heavy fog that had engulfed my life had me feeling useless and inferior. I hide in my bed and even thought about killing myself. This seemed like the best thing ever for me because my girls would not have to see me slowly dying from the inside outward. I attempted to continue to work but found that I was not getting better and it was affecting my work. The week of Thanksgiving was the worst because it was then that I sat with a handful of antidepressants and sleeping pill and was ready to die. Luckily God gave me three beautiful girls and a strong support system. I didn't harm myself that night. I instead text a friend that told me how special and important I am to the world. The next day, I went to my therapist and told her of all my problems and I was admitted to St. Dominic. I stayed there for 8 days and left angry and unprepared to returned to the "real" world. I again told my counselor about my fears, and she suggested an out patient treatment program. This program has taught me how to deal with my depression and some coping skills that I can use upon my return to the real world. I have completed the first phase of this program with a lot of tears. I faced my past, reveal my wounds and began a healthy healing process. Then this past weekend, I had a SLIP (small lapse in progress) which cause me to need to return to St. Dominic for a couple of days. What have I learned? Recovery or healing is a spiraling process not an uphill process. I will have good and bad days. I must use the skills learned when things get a little uneasy and when things are very stressful. I can fall but I must get back up.

live feed video

Revisiting Highschool

I am so sorry that it has been an little while since I blogged. Once getting home from the wedding, I was extremely tired. After a few days of rest, the bad news started coming in. First, I was told that my cheerleader sponsor from high school had died. I was so shocked but later found out she didn't really died until the next day. The next day, I received a phone call from one of my favorite high school buddy's and he informed me that Felisha (his cousin and our classmate) had lost her baby and needed prayers to get through it. I was very sadden by this and past the information on. This was the night before my baby sister's birthday and our Friday family night. We we ate sonic and had a sleep over as we got ready to celebrate her birthday on the cheap. I was so excited, we rented movies and ate junk food like little children. That morning we woke up and I fixed her a big breakfast while she received all her birthday wishes. Her phone continued to go off, and she suddenly go up and was eager to leave. I assume this was because she got a better offer. No, my friend Felisha has passed and she was told via test messaging and did not want to be the one to have to tell me. My family is a little weird like that. The whole family was hoping someone else would tell me because I usually don't react well to bad news. I have had a rough week and did not deal with parts of it very well.

The good thing that come from all of it is I got to revisit some of yesterday's memories.

here comes the newlyweds finale

Wedding Weekend

I am attaching a few pictures from the wedding and a video. All the hardwork and tears paid off and as usual it was the wedding of our dreams. I know everyone has the best mother ever but I really do. She has taught me through example how to scarifice things in order to make your children happy. Here are the pictures and video that made yesterday's memories.


the kids and I about to leave the house.


The ladies


my brother and I with our Breannas ( Breanna Kathleen and Erin Breanna)



Grady, Momma and Mo


Dorothy's Kids (me(Shunda), Jetta, KetaMonique and Boris)

the whole wedding party

KetaMonique (I love them to death)

My beautiful little flower girl. She made me so proud.

Taurean wrote a song that his best man sang to Mo.

growing up

Tonight I decided to change the tone a little bit. Instead of just blogging about yesterday (July 08, 2009) I will talk about the past.
As you may have realized by now I am a little crazy when it comes to my family especially my girls. Tomorrow we begin a hard felt task of sharing our Moe with her new family. (I wonder since tomorrow is the rehearsal, do I practice my cry)
I can't wait until Jetta, Keekee and Boris get here. We will all be home like when we were young. I wonder if we can re-enact some memories. Maybe everyone gather up their change and send Boris to the store. Let Jetta put my hair in a braid and ponytail. Give Keekee a little debbie cake and how long it lasts.
Maybe we can start something new since we now have children. Maybe game night. I got to get plenty of pictures because thats what makes yesterday's memories.

She's a big girl now.

Yesterday, my family assisted my sister in moving into her new home. The one she will share with her soon to be new husband. This is not her first place but I am so filled with emotions now. She has completed undergrad, a master's program and almost finished with her specialist degree. She left home to attend underbgrad and got her first apartment during grad school. She has dated her fiancee for a few years now. So none of this is new but it does feel this way.

I remember her being a tomboy with glasses and polo shirts. Now she is a diva in heels and dresses. I remember her head being tilted and having crossed eyes on family pictures. She now wears makeup, diamond rings and holds her head up high. We talk everyday and if we don't then something must be wrong. Now she is getting married. She will have a husband, a family home, and begin a new life. We have to share her with her new family. We will have new memories (hoping of pregnancy and many babies being born) but the best thing of all is I will still have yesterday's memories of the times when it was just us.

van full

For as long as I can remember I have wanted a large family. I am not sure if its because my mother asked us for 5 grandchildren each or because she wanted to have six children or because I enjoy having my sisters and brother.

This weekend I had my three nephews. I was an enjoyable experience. However, after a few days I was so tired and ready to return to sender. I had a total of 6 children ages 12, 6, 5, 4, 3, and 4 months. It gave me a whole new appreciation for being the mother of three and I see why parents of multiples have issues. It is stressful. Boys and girls are so different and putting them all together was trouble. I notice how they tend to stick with their sibling but if anyone from outside the immediate family try to step in they pull together quickly.

I only wish that they could all grow up closer together because nothing makes a memory better than family.